I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
she told me i tasted like america
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
