I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
