Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
