dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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