Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
