I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
