i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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