Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
