Fine. I'll sleep in my office
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
