i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
