I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
