everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
