Too much gin, very little bucket
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
