Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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