dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
