I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
