I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
