I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
