When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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