I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
