Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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