im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
