girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
