At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
