Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
