If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
