i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
