pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
