Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
