Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
