i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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