apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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