I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
