my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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