i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
