are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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