You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
