I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
where are my eyebrows?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
