I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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