Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
