hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
