New low: just hacked my moms facebook
birth control should be required to get into college
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My vagina is very pro this idea
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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