I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
