I wanna passion pit in your ass
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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