I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
