I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
