Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
