yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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