Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
