also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
