I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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