i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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